There's something I need to get off of my chest: I'm not the greatest father. There, I said it. While I'm at it, I need to add this: I'm not the greatest husband either. Whew, now that I've got that out of the way, let me blog a bit about fatherhood and being a not so great husband.
Let's dig in, shall we? I've discovered only recently that I'm not the best dad. I didn't learn this from someone telling me. I deduced it from personal insight. I perused the welcome to fatherhood books and thought, blah, I'll wing it, how hard can it be? I don't remember there being a chapter about how to do absolutely everything right and your kids will grow up to be great people. Eh, I might've fallen asleep before I got to that part.
I finally discovered what it is that seems to be my downfall: it's me. I finally know what it is that I've done to make me be a not so great dad. By no means am I self-bashing, but I need to let dads of all sorts(ones that have been dads for many years, a few years, or are just getting started) know what I've found out about myself and what could be a hang up for them as well.
I'm self absorbed. I don't know if it's because I was the baby of the family for 16 years and I grew to realize most everyone in the family was willing to let me slide on things. Also, being the youngest, you learn from your older siblings and I learned what to do and what not to do, or at least get caught doing it.
For far too long have I thought about what others could do for me. This didn't become apparent until after children. I wish it could've been sooner, like when I met Melissa and fell in love and got married. I think she would've been appreciative of the self enlightenment. I hope that she is now.
I've always thought my time was exactly that, mine. It wasn't until maybe a few months ago, I found that this isn't true. I don't know what led me to this discovery, but I'm glad I've found it.
So here it is, my apology: Dear Ethan, Hayden, and my dearest Melissa, I'm sorry for being selfish and using the time that I have to only do what I felt met the minimum of being a dad and husband. Moving forward, and please know it's a work in progress, I give all my time to the pursuit of happiness, godliness, and helpfulness to give each of you what you deserve. A dad who takes the time to teach and play, even after a long day. A husband who does more than keep the kids until you get home from work and then turns them over. There is an abundance of others to list, but I find that list a bit tedious, please, just know that I am always striving to become a better father and husband.
The three greatest people I could have love me deserve more than I am and the only person that can do anything about is me.
