An Apology

There's something I need to get off of my chest: I'm not the greatest father.  There, I said it.  While I'm at it, I need to add this: I'm not the greatest husband either.  Whew, now that I've got that out of the way, let me blog a bit about fatherhood and being a not so great husband.

Let's dig in, shall we? I've discovered only recently that I'm not the best dad.  I didn't learn this from someone telling me.  I deduced it from personal insight.  I perused the welcome to fatherhood books and thought, blah, I'll wing it,  how hard can it be? I don't remember there being a chapter about how to do absolutely everything right and your kids will grow up to be great people.  Eh, I might've fallen asleep before I got to that part. 

I finally discovered what it is that seems to be my downfall: it's me.  I finally know what it is that I've done to make me be a not so great dad.  By no means am I self-bashing, but I need to let dads of all sorts(ones that have been dads for many years, a few years, or are just getting started) know what I've found out about myself and what could be a hang up for them as well.

I'm self absorbed.   I don't know if it's because I was the baby of the family for 16 years and I grew to realize most everyone in the family was willing to let me slide on things.  Also, being the youngest, you learn from your older siblings and I learned what to do and what not to do, or at least get caught doing it. 

For far too long have I thought about what others could do for me.  This didn't become apparent until after children.  I wish it could've been sooner, like when I met Melissa and fell in love and got married.  I think she would've been appreciative of the self enlightenment.  I hope that she is now.

I've always thought my time was exactly that, mine.  It wasn't until maybe a few months ago, I found that this isn't true.  I don't know what led me to this discovery, but I'm glad I've found it.

So here it is, my apology:  Dear Ethan, Hayden, and my dearest Melissa, I'm sorry for being selfish and using the time that I have to only do what I felt met the minimum of being a dad and husband.  Moving forward, and please know it's a work in progress, I give all my time to the pursuit of happiness, godliness, and helpfulness to give each of you what you deserve.  A dad who takes the time to teach and play, even after a long day.  A husband who does more than keep the kids until you get home from work and then turns them over. There is an abundance of others to list, but I find that list a bit tedious, please, just know that I am always striving to become a better father and husband.

 The three greatest people I could have love me deserve more than I am and the only person that can do anything about is me.

Working on Number Two

The title might lead some to think this could be a potty training blog, alas, it is not.  Sorry to those of you who were tricked into clicking on this link believing it would lead you to the meandering thoughts of a father with a three year old son who, by all means, should be going through some potty obstacle course by now.  We actually got lucky and Ethan has been potty trained since he was a little over two years old.  Yes, I'm allowed to brag.

Now to the real meaning behind the title.

Tomorrow, March 27th, Melissa, Ethan and I will be finding out if our bundle of joy is going to be Landon Keith or Lily Claire.  We are all very excited about finding out and we are having a small get together with both sets of grandparents and some aunts as well to have a "reveal" party.  These parties have caught on quite a bit with facebook and pintrest folks and we couldn't help but fall in line with the rest of America when letting the world know if there's going to be a bit more estrogen or testosterone floating around.

Three, almost four, years ago I blogged about the work put into conceiving Ethan.  About how it was a great experience for both of us as husband and wife and the closeness which came with such a task.  We always knew we wanted another kiddo, since Ethan was such an angel!  I mean, he never throws any fits or talks back or says he doesn't love us or anything most parents told us about the terrible twos and threes (SARCASM ALERT).

I know every parent goes through tough times with two and three year old toddlers, some even do it being single (kudos to you, I'd probably give up), I also know some have twins and triplets and they go through it with multiples.  One is hard enough, but two, even three?  Get out of town!

Sometimes I ponder why in the world would we want to do this again, then I think, why wouldn't we!  Getting here has been a bit harder and after having talked to Melissa, we thought we would share our story.

In the summer of 2013 we found out "we" were pregnant again!  Happiness all around! Calls made to let relatives know, just like when Ethan was found out about.  We went in for an doctor's appointment expecting good news, but got the opposite.  We were no longer pregnant.  This is an emotional gut punch.  The happy phone calls were turned into phone calls of sadness.

Then, fear and doubt crept in, sat in the corner of the room like the big elephant they can be in marriages.  We had to have the conversation about what if we can't have another, even though the doctor reassured us that many families go through this same ordeal. Even saying that women with multiple kids have a miscarriage in between sometimes.  That was all well and good, but it wasn't our family.  We apparently were blessed with Ethan and didn't think about anything like this happening when he was but a peanut in his mommy's belly.

We took some time before we tried again, at the suggestion of our doctor.  Not long though, in the Autumn of 2013, we again were expecting,  this time we didn't let everyone know until after our doctor's visit.  Even, before the appointment, Melissa tested pregnant three times.  We didn't want to go through the phone calls again in case something happened.  Doctor's visit went smoothly and we thought we were on our way.  We had photo cards printed out with four pumpkins on them and had our names on them too.  Dad, Mom, Ethan and baby.  We were sure it was going to work out this time.  We even got to see an ultrasound and saw baby wiggling around like they do that early in the pregnancy.  We set up another appointment and were going to have another ultrasound as well.

That appointment came and we went into the ultrasound room, my mother-in-law, Peggy, was there too.  Everyone was excited to see the baby again, but when everything was ready, there was nothing there, just a blank screen. My stomach dropped, eyes welled up.  The ultrasound tech apologized and gave all three of us some time.  I was in disbelief.  I didn't know what to do, so I just stood quiet and tried to reason what had happened.  It wasn't that long ago we saw our baby dancing on that very screen, I wanted to say it had to be a mistake and the tools weren't plugged in correctly.  I wanted to just find a way to make him/her come back and dance for us again.

The doctor came in and gave us the same speech about how many families go through this and not to get worried, maybe start worrying if it happens a third and a fourth time.  Too late, we were already worried.   There was even talk of surgery to remove baby if things didn't proceed naturally.  We didn't talk much this time, it was harder on both of us, I know.   That could have been the darkest moment we've ever had together.

We cried, we made those sad phone calls, we worried, we doubted, we held each other.

I haven't brought this up until now, but one thing that helped carry me/us through this was the thought that both of the babies we lost are in heaven and if I live my life correctly then I'll be able to see them someday. I think I told my dad, who is a preacher, that what can I do if the Lord wants to keep them with him, who am I to argue?  I'm not going to ever blame God, I think of it as a prize, a trophy even, that if I run this race and live like I'm supposed to as commanded, then I'll see those two again.

I don't know if that was the lesson I was supposed to learn, but learn it I did.

Now we are at 20 weeks in with Baby Dickison number two.  We've put work in, blood, sweat, and tears too.  We just can't wait to find out tomorrow!

Didn't we learn our lesson the first time?

Hello followers! Miss us?  I know it's no excuse but I've been on hiatus pretty much since Ethan came along, he keeps us busy!  Well, I just want to let everyone know that I'm returning, spurred on by the fact that we are expecting an addition to the family in August.  This time around I plan on being more organized (when it comes to blogging, because organization is tricky as a parent) and will try to have a post once a week or every two weeks so be on the lookout!

Something a bit more recent.

Molly has a small obsession with Elmo, she shows off her chops in this video. Below is a more recent photo taken of her riding on a plastic camel.

LONG TIME NO HEAR!

Hello? 

Hey there! It has been a long time but trust me when I say, it has gone by way too fast! I feel good about posting though and I hope to be posting a few videos soon. 



 This one is from our town's market street last year in 2012 as most of the photos are about that old.

 Who do we owe the pleasure for the next few post? Why my over loaded iphone of course! So rather than fill my Facebook page up with countless more photos and videos, I will attempt to log our adventures and discoveries here.

This one of Molly in the car was taken in the local mall here, she has a need for speed!
First time for Molly and I both 

on the Tombigbee River we had a blast!

I feel like these photos were taken yesterday, mind blowing this was all last year. So nice to reminisce, beautiful memories.

For memory sake today marks the first time we went poo poo in the potty. Now, that I made this post I have a date to torment her with in the future.

 Katie McDill's photography took this one, although shes not smiling I just like it. I'll post more take from this shoot later.

  Nude.

Cloth Diapers how-to instructional video, its so easy!

 

 

This "how to" video is just so easy to use, special thanks to Star & Micey for this really silly, but super fun to make video.

Some Assembly Required

Changing table in the works

The words in the title to this blog are known to all moms and dads, we soon to be parents are just getting started.  I believe there should actually be a book somewhere about having a baby that should also have this title.  We will never be through putting things together for our kids.  Whether it be furniture as in the most pictures on this blog post, or if it is trying to put together a life on the right road for our young ones.  There will be times when we mend broken hearts, or pick up broken spirits, just as our parents did before us.

Again with the changing table

Enough sentimental stuff, lets get to the meat of this blog.  Tools and little use of directions, which
came back to bite me only a few times.  We ordered all of our son's furniture off the Internet, from JcPenny, which worked out great.  We got a credit account which helped save us money, we also got free delivery... just not free assembly.  Oh no, nothing free about that, just you, your tools, and a wonderful wife there to tell you when you're doing it wrong, and to take pictures of the process, too!  Actually, Melissa didn't nag, which is true to her character, she really helped out, even while being seven and a half months pregnant. 


I decided to start with the changing table, you see there's a method to picking out which piece of furniture you should start with, especially if you plan on assembling all of it in one day.  I figured I'd start with the second most aggravating piece, followed by the most aggravating, then finish up with the easiest/ least aggravating.  According to my level of aggravation, I messed up the order.  We got everything completed all the same.

The finished changing table.

You've got to make sure you tighten everything
 down as best as you can, your child is depending on you!

We took a break after the assembly process was complete, we went to get something to eat and, I believe, we did a little shopping at Babies R Us. We purchased a Serta mattress for the crib, which was second on the list of assembly.  My sister, Joanna, stopped by and helped out with this process, which made it a little less frustrating.  Notice the glider and ottoman in the background, we didn't get any pictures, but we did have to assemble those as well, which wasn't difficult at all.  Except for buttoning the cushions on, that was a pain. 

Joanna was helping, Molly and Louie were not.
They were more interested in spending time with Aunt Joanna.

Finished product.

With blanket, which we learned in birthing class, we shouldn't
put in with Ethan, it can be dangerous.

Now for my coup de grace, the chest of drawers, I'm not even sure why I thought this would be an easy construction, but apparently at the time I did, boy, was I wrong. 

Getting the pieces organized with Louie's help.

Maybe it was the fact that I had been assembling all day, or because the first two pieces went so well, I thought I didn't need the directions this time, whatever the reason was, I know that this was a pain!

Molly and I having a moment.

Who is that handsome, handy man?

The drawers were pretty simple, so simple I could talk on the phone
at the same time!

Finished product, looks simple enough, but don't let it fool you.
I think the third drawer sticks a bit too, tried to loosen everything
and resolve problem, but, alas, I could not figure it out.

The aftermath

During my crazy month of December, I put together a few other items.

We purchased a Baby's 1st stroller/car seat.  Not much assembly required,
just attached the wheels.

The biggest dynamic going into the stroller/car seat
was learning how to operate everything.  Which
we found wasn't terribly hard.  Then again,
we didn't have a screaming baby with us at the time.

We also bought a Graco swing set.  Not at all fun to put together, but not
incredibly hard. I was finished in about 45 minutes.

It has different settings for swinging, slow or fast, it also
has different songs on it, two of which were in our wedding.
There are nature sounds and the mobile, which
isn't battery operated, it moves as the swing
goes back and forth.

We're pleased with all the items we've received so far, and I have even more to blog about later.  We've had three baby showers since the middle of November, with lots of pictures!

All Day Birthing Class

I will go on record and say that if you have a choice, never ever take an all day birthing class.  The only reason we did was because of our different work schedules.  We knocked out 6 classes in an eight hour window on November 19th. 

Each class had a different title, but since it was all day class, I don't remember any of them.  It was like a blur, so much info, so little time to compute.  The basics were fairly simple, I had no problem putting diapers on a doll that was not struggling or fighting against me.  Learning how to properly bath a newborn was informative.  I remember and firmly believe in, if you don't know if your baby is actually sick or just not feeling well, but you're not sure, call a doctor, or mom or mother-in-law. 

I know that the wife's recovery is very important and can take some time, which is to be expected.  The instructor mentioned to the guys that we might be on the hook for cooking and cleaning for the first  six weeks, which is about par for most mom's recoveries.  I just hope Melissa doesn't get tired of hamburgers, pizza, grilled cheese and such.  I'll be off for the first two weeks so maybe I can expand my menu, or we'll end up eating a lot of pick up. 

The videos we were shown were very dated, but covered everything you need to know about what happens at birth.  And, yes, guys, they are not pretty, but you need to go through this so you know what to expect in the delivery room of your own wife, or mother of your child.
Since we took the all day class, we didn't get a chance to learn baby CPR, we might be signing up for that later.  All in all it was a great day, time spent with my wife, met some new people, learned about delivery and newborns, but still suggest the night courses!

Good/Bad, Do/Don't,Yes/No of parenthood.

ABC song never sounded so good.

Man, I know it is a bit early for little Miss Molly to start watching any type of videos, but I am still honing my skills in the art of soothing a fussy baby. I really enjoy off-key singing to her as I attempt to rock her and quite her down. I have noticed that she is becoming more ad more alert as time goes by so I thought I would try a few videos out on her. Oddly enough I found this Alphabet seem to mellow her out pretty good and her eyes are drawn to it. I think it has something to do with her natural ability to recognize faces in objects. It also has a nice beat and has been stuck in my head.

I also have just recently bought a new video camera or"toy"and tried it out for the first time today. Katherine left me up to my own devices and alone with Molly for a few hours. I was just trying not to make her mad. I made a quick video, very off the cuff, showing how Molly likes to be held. You can see how awkward I get as she gets more fussy.

I'll get better at this stuff.

Baby on a roller coaster!

                                            Molly likes the thrills!!

Molly is here!!

"Spirit is in a state of grace forever. Your reality is only spirit. Therefore you are in a state of grace forever."

A Course in Miracles

Man oh man, what can I say. I'm a Dad and it feels great! These past few weeks have been emotional, exhausting, and extremely time consuming. I am not going to spend long on this post, but per Jake, I want to at the very least get some pictures posted. 

 Molly Grace Munson, was born on the ninth day of October, 2011. The doctor and I counted all of her fingers and toes together and were very pleased to see everything was in order. He also commented that he had never seen a little girl have such a perfectly round head after a natural birth... she gets that from me.

 Molly was born at 7:09 pm weighing in at a whopping six pounds and 7 ounces. At this time I would like to thank me and give myself a shout out for being the one to guess her body weight. So far I guessed that she would be a girl, she would be blonde, and now her weight. It's not easy being this good.

This was taken just before birth. We rushed to get to the hospital, flying down the two lane hwy going 90 mph. Louise (grandma) was busy in the back seat chatting it up on the phone as Katherine would give me dirty looks for going too fast. 

 Melissa Cooper, a good friend, had been tracking Katherine's progress through out the morning. She is holding Hattie, Molly's cousin. Louise is to the left. Melissa and Katherine's sister Elizabeth followed behind us, and we were blessed to have them at the hospital during the birth.

 Molly (right) didn't want to sit still for her first picture with her cousin Hattie (left), who is only  a month older. They look like the same size, but I believe molly was a few ounces lighter.













Just thought I'd blow a few of these up. The camera phone just doesn't do her justice.

She was so hungry for the first few days as we waited for Katherine's milk to come in, I would have to appease her with my knuckle. 

 We use Katie Mcdill for all our family photos, she did extremely well. Molly was only four days old and very fussy. Below I posted a video of me rocking her to sleep in a pumpkin. I never thought I be the type of parent that would put their kid in a cold wet pumpkin for photos. I am though.







   
On the left you get to see Molly preforming her very first "plank". This could be monumental, because I don't know how serious of a planker she might be one day.

 This Youtube video has been giving me some trouble all night, I hope it comes through ok, if not, you get the idea. You can't hear me very well but I am telling Molly I'm sorry I did this and that it was not my idea.

 Jake get ready, having Molly has been better then owning your very own masterpiece. When the Doctor handed her to me, I knew she was mine and meant for me. Like a work of art, I look at her and am amazed at her detail, her beauty, every wonderful brushstroke of genius God put  on her body. It's super cool.